After writing yesterdays blog, I find myself still wondering if there are any set rules anymore to the dating scene and relationships. I notice more and more that there really do not seem to be any rules. People are dating beyond their own race, their own age group and meeting people in entirely different ways then we did years ago. I do wonder if what I have chosen to do recently, is right or wrong. But then, I realize that it is only my own convictions that I should be worried about, not what the stigma is that is placed on us by other peoples opinions.
After another night with the "Boy Toy", I wondered what is it that keeps him coming back? Something he said, is really what made me realize where I went wrong in relationships when I was younger...Heck, where I went wrong even months ago...It is funny how we never know, in life, when that light will come on and wake us up and help us to see the error of our ways. He said, "I have girls all over me, but I do not want strings where they are constantly calling and texting me"...Honestly, when you are young that is what it is all about. Girls his age> hope for babies, marriage, someone with a good job and somebody to take care of them. When the guys at that age, are only thinking about getting drunk, getting high and getting laid and who cares about getting a job...The only job they worry about is a blow job! :D It is the God's honest truth. Most guys want to have as much fun as possible before they commit, so when you are young, you are insane to think that this guy is "The One"! How could you possibly know that when you are in your early twenties.
This guy would much rather call someone like me, when it is convenient for him...get laid and know that it remains between us (well somewhat, you will never know his name...NEVER) :) So don't bother asking me. I find it so much easier these days to be physical with someone that I know I do not want full time...that way neither of us has any expectations going into it, and neither of us is thinking for anything to come of it...I honestly do not think I could do the same thing with someone that I know real well or someone that I could see myself with in the future...because once sex gets involved things get complicated and we suddenly begin to explore different feelings...I am speaking of someone that you really want to get to know and be with. When you have sex for the first time with someone like that, it is entirely different than some random lay...You know what I mean? Besides, who on earth at my age could possibly keep up with a kid half their age? I need to get my fat ass to the gym because I am either gonna need knee replacement surgery soon or a pacemaker to keep up with this kid! So the gym may be my best bet...anyone want to offer to kick me in the ass every morning and make me go? :D
I do get off track don't I? I tend to ramble, so bare with me and my crazy random thoughts! Right now, I am totally content with my life as it is and I have no desire to pursue a man. I do not care to call them, text them, ask them what they are doing tonight...NOTHING!!! For some reason, this new attitude has worked in my favor, because I am asked out more now than I have ever been in my entire life. I am also the heaviest I have ever been and always thought, men may not want me because I was fat. Not true at all! Goes to show that my stepson was right...He once told me, "Men do not see your weight if you are confident, because your confidence is recognized before anything else"...By Golly, I think the kid was right! I may not necessarily be overly confident with my size right now, but men can pick up on the "I don't give a shit attitude" and when they pick up on that, they realize that you really are not looking for anything from them...Once they feel pressured that a girl wants marriage, kids, financial support or if they come across needy and smothering....They run the other direction. Then when they do not text you back and they start pulling away..."It is a sign Ladies" they need their space and it means you have got to back off and not try to figure them out or dig away at why they are doing these things....It has taken me 40+ years to realize that Men find a needy woman unattractive, no matter how hard you try to make it work or look good for them...It will never make them change their mind. I am telling you this from experience. I have learned the hard way....Over and Over again!!!! Be content with who you are and where you are in life and focus on that and let them slowly blend into your schedule if they choose to and if you decide you want them there.
I have chosen to date several men because I discovered that I am an extremely impatient person and I used to have self-doubt all of the time! What did I do, What did I say? Etc.... Stay busy with your own life, do not worry about what they are doing and have fun doing your own thing. If he does not call, go out with someone else, go out with your friends, be content being home alone...whatever it is you choose to do, DO NOT ever act like you even notice he did not call...Let me tell ya this girls!!! I cannot notice when they do not call anymore because I always have someone talking to me, so if one does not call, another one is...My thinking is> the more you have to choose from, the more chances you have finding the right one, but if you settle with one at a time and make things work with the WRONG one, then you are only holding yourself back on finding your true destiny.
So you see...this kid loves to call me because he knows he does not have to worry about me calling him, texting him and bothering him and the boys...because I could care less what he is doing and that is precisely why he has approached an older woman...Because I already have a home, kids, already been married...and he knows that I don't want a damn thing from him except for some good sex from time to time while I continue to date other people. Hey, it is a WIN< WIN situation in my book! Why the hell it took me so long to come to this realization, I will never know...I am just thankful I have while I am still young enough to enjoy myself! :D
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