A Continuation of Previous Blog..."Trying Something New"

I want to continue from where I left off yesterday, because I really and truly believe this is an important subject!!  Let me start out, by emphasizing that I have NO counseling/therapy degree.  I am not licensed in any sense of the word, I am just expressing my thoughts and trying my best to convey what I have learned in my relationships, and what I am continuing to learn. 

After my Pure Romance party  ( http://pureromance.com/shop-online/ ) I was still thinking about everyone in regards to all of their own personal stories and relationships and how women most often sit and complain about what they have at home.  I was that person at one time!  I have had an unhappy marriage myself before, so hearing them just made me realize even more that I am quite content with my life the way it is.  Some women are naturals at marriage and others are not.  I have a feeling that most of us get caught up in the excitement of it all and how a man goes out of his way to pursue us and most often woo us also.  Flowers, candy, dinners out, the phone calls and texts every single day....just thoughtfulness all together.  That is what I always get caught up in.  I love being pursued and given attention, I think we all find some flattery in it all.  The problem is, after you win one another over...everyone seems to stop the wooing and the excitement begins to fizzle.  I should rephrase this without using the word, "everyone", because there are plenty of men and women that manage to hold onto that spark in their relationship and that is what makes things work for them.  Most often, they are best friends and enjoy spending time with one another, they are usually great communicators, they are BOTH considerate and they BOTH share in bills and household duties.  Most often, they are OUR kids, OUR bills etc...These are the folks that make it work and can live to tell a wonderful love story.  We all have to endure hardships here and there, but it is how we handle them that makes it or breaks it.

  I was one of those women that thought SEX could always solve every problem in a relationship.  I thought if I catered to them enough, gave them what they wanted, was totally honest, faithful, dependable, good cook, house cleaner...whatever...you name it, I did it!  I aimed to please!  I certainly did not do it all with my mouth shut, I complained a lot> and at times I too, Refrained from SEX....Yes, You heard me say it...I told him NO!  :-)  Not that I didn't want to have sex, I just didn't want to have sex with him.  Hence, that is where Pure Romance items come in handy(Literally)..It definitely takes two in the bedroom to keep the fire lit...so if you hate cigarette smoke and cannot stand the taste of his kisses, then set guidelines and do not marry a smoker.  If you hate it when a guy drinks so much that his dick is limp, then do not marry an alcoholic!  I mean, we all see the signs, the red flags waving at us when we first meet someone.  I ignored most of them!  I always see them, but I want to see the good in everyone and want them to prove me wrong, but in the end...I see everything I saw in the beginning and it is my own fault for SETTLING. I have had relationships since then, again looking for the criteria and what I would want in a future husband.  Then it hit me!  Do I really want a husband?  My friends would say, Why you do you always need a man?  I would have to correct them...I do not NEED a man, I WANT one....Big Difference!!!  But I want him on my terms...:)  I have been attracted to unavailable men my entire life and now I know its because I really do not want them around all of the time, I want them around when its convenient for me....That way, the excitement and the newness never wears out...We spend very little time together, so our time is our time and we do not worry about bills, kids, work or anything else!  We spend our entire time, eating and fucking, fucking and eating and repeat!!!  :D That's what I always end up missing once I am in a committed relationship.  We eventually stop setting aside time for just one another.

  Now that I consider myself a "Serial Dater", I choose it, because I am always meeting someone new, and the excitement is always there and we have both set aside time to spend alone with one another and we talk only about ourselves.  Its the best thing, because I forget for those short moments that I am a Mom, Nail Tech or..whatever....its just all about us and I love it!  My point here is,  when I sit and listen to everyone else complain of their current situation, I am reminded of the trials I went through and the lessons I have learned.  I will say this again...Life is too short. Do whatever makes you happy and not what society thinks you should do.  Society thinks I should be married before I have sex with someone...Why?  I have already been married, been there done that, I am no virgin, so the possibility of saving myself for someone is over. I remember a preacher asking me that question (I will definitely get into religion and sex on a blog soon)..He asked me if I was having sex before marriage?  Mind you, I was in my 30's when he asked me this.  This is no lie...Being the outspoken Yankee that I am..I said, "Let me ask you something"?  Did you finance your car"?  He said, Yes I did, what does that have to do with this?  "I said, did you check everything out on the car before you bought it"?  "Yes, I did", He said.  I then asked, "Did you test drive this car before you signed your name on the contract"?  He laughed and said, "I know where you are going with this, but it is totally different". You get my drift here?  I will elaborate more of my religious outlook on this topic another day, I do not want it to take me too far off track....

Anyway,  I was talking about what society thinks and how people view you....Society thinks it's okay for a man to date a woman half his age but for a woman to do that would be absurd.  I used to think that way!  I would get asked out by guys 10+ years younger and say..."Do you have a fat cougar on your fuck-it list or something"?  I thought, why on earth would this kid want someone like me?  Then it hit me, Why not? I was once very attracted to older men, it is possible that "boys" can have the same attractions.  I now get hit on by "kids" literally!  I am talking half my age and once again, I thought, "Are you crazy"?  But you know what...Age is nothing but a number and sex is just sex!!  When I am looking for much more in a companion and I am looking for love and a future with them, then sex will be so much more....but for now...I am dealing with it all in my own way, not placing so much emphasis on what ifs and future stuff....Strictly my own opinion, but if that is my outlook right now...Then I say, go for it!!  You only live once and I am "Trying Something New"...:D  Until tomorrow people, I will leave on that wild and crazy, but positive note....:-)