Time alone can be so rewarding!

I have taken a little bit of a cyber-hiatus, if you will!  Since last week I decided to take time off from computer blogging, facebooking and texting etc.  I spent the entire weekend alone without children and it was so nice.  On those weekends is when I can let my hair down and feel more like a woman than a mother for a little while and go out and have fun, date and do whatever I want to.  But this weekend was a perfect example of doing exactly what I wanted to.  I was reminded this weekend, once again, of how being single still has its benefits.  I chose to be alone this weekend.  I had no kids at home, no customers and I decided to rent lots of movies that I have wanted to see but they may not have been kid friendly and I sat on the couch eating and watching movies, the ENTIRE weekend.  I loved it!  I did not worry myself with cleaning, cooking or anything.  I had nobody calling my name or wondering what is for dinner or where is something they cannot find...you know how it goes!!  I just relaxed and found myself thankful for the ability to be alone and knowing that it is my choice and it's wonderful. When you are single you have choice as to how you want to spend your time, even though kids do alter that for you somewhat...but remove that from the equation and it makes it ALL ABOUT ME and how I choose to spend my time.  I had already made my mind up that if any guy called and wanted to go out and do something, then it was going to be a big NO!  I can do that!!  Yes, I do say NO sometimes! :)  I had the mindset to go out Friday night and nothing panned out and after waking up Saturday morning whenever I wanted to, I realized that I wanted to spend the entire weekend like that.  I found myself recalling all of the relationships I have been in since I was about 14 years old..... now I still love MEN just as much as I always have and really enjoy their company but since I have had the pleasure of enjoying many of their company...now I can pick and choose and be a bit selective if I choose or do not select at all.  I believe at times my moods affected my relationships as well...When we live alone and date around, Men only see us at our best, usually.  We are prepared for a date and when and where we get together, but once we are in a relationship and/or married then we witness each others different looks, moods etc...and it is not always a pretty site.  Men do not always understand our mood swings and we do not always understand theirs.  Some days you wake up and you just are not in the mood to deal with people in general!  If you have a great man that gives you the space that you need and leaves you alone, it is a great blessing.  I always had men that became dependant on me and looked to me for EVERYTHING!! Whether they wanted something specific for dinner or they needed more beer or needed me to call somewhere for them or run an errand for them.  Most of the men I became involved with were no different than my children, they were just as needy and dependant and it became overwhelming at times and it seemed as though I NEVER had a day off.  I finally got a break when I got divorced! LOL...that's when they help with the kids and Mom can finally have some ME time...It is crazy that I found myself to be so much better off as a single mom than married.  Mind you, this is me...marriage is a wonderful thing for some people and I have to admit that I chose the WRONG ones and that is why my relationships took so much work.  I was always told that it took 50/50 to make a relationship work...but you know what??? That is not correct AT ALL!!!   It takes 100% from BOTH sides....I think we should ALWAYS get out of a relationship as much as we put into it, because it takes two!  So until I meet someone that gives me that much, I prefer to be alone and do my own thing.  Being alone is wonderful and I found it to be very rewarding I just may start doing that even more often.  My weekends alone do not need to be filled with different men, different plans etc...but if I choose to do that one weekend than it is my prerogative to do so.  I love being single! I have spent a majority of my life taking care of other people, especially men.  Now it is time to take care of ME! 

Men and their need for visualization!

I have found that the men that I know are extremely visual...meaning that they have to have visual aide the help them along with their fantasies and to excite them.  Some men have messaged me (yes, I am sure you know who you are, and you are not alone), asking me when I am going to post the explicit blogs or the descriptive sex stories and suggest also that I include pictures of "How To"...LOL...I laugh about it, but I know they are serious as hell about it!  I have found that MOST men not only think about sex often, but they visualize it in great detail as well!  This might explain to some women why men look at pornography online or in playboy etc...Now, mind you, Playboy does have some great descriptive stories but if they tell you they only order Playboy for the stories, they are yanking your chain...Well, actually they are most likely yanking theirs, that's why they ordered it...;)  It used to bother me when I was younger that my man would look at things like that because I wanted him to be turned on by me and not by what he saw on the screen or in a book. But truth be known, you may want to let him, because if we had to perform each time a man actually thought about sex during the day, we would be worn out.  So you might as well let him handle some of it himself and let you regain some strength!

 As I got older I found I enjoyed checking it out also, I became more open to it out of curiosity and getting some helpful tips...:)  It took me sooooooooo many years to realize that these men I was with not only appreciated a beautiful body, but they admired the confidence that these women had and their openness to exploration and "trying something new".  Men know that they are not always going to have an opportunity to land a woman like they admire on the screen or in a book...They also realize that they usually do not resemble the hot ass man with the killer abs that women admire in those movies...It may go against a lot of religious beliefs that most of you were raised on, so this is MY belief only.  You are an adult, so you have the liberty to believe whatever way you want...I am merely expressing my opinions to all of it...Once again, basing it solely on my own experiences!

 With that being said, I do not see anything wrong with exploring things like that with your partner.  If it can help enhance your sexual intimacy between you and your partner, then I say go for it.  BUT, if it is something that takes control over you and you find yourself lusting for fictitious people and it is taking a toll on your relationship instead of enhancing it, then you have a problem.  I honestly and truly think that it can help a couple open up and become comfortable in their own skin...and it helps the man obtain the visual aid that he desires. I usually have my nose up against the screen trying to figure out how the hell that chick got into that position, some of them are so talented...LOL...Think about it like this> Say for instance, we as women, go all out and fix ourselves up and put on make-up, buy a new outfit, workout at the gym to keep our body all buff (ummm, not me:example only) ....we basically go out of our way to make sure we look our best when we are single.  Why do we do that?  Because we want to attract a man!!!  What do men notice first???  Unfortunately ladies> Most men notice a woman's appearance first...I have read many articles on the subject and plenty of polls have been taken...Men seek an attractive woman, that is first on their list. They have got to have someone that is sexually appealing.  Okay, so say you are the total package and that is really and truly what attracted him to you in the first place and then he found you to be funny, charismatic, intelligent, independent and confidant!!  Usually if you have all of those qualities he would ask you to marry him.  But little does he know that now he will have to live with you everyday and witness all of the preparation it took from you to look that good.....he will wake up to find you with no make up on, you will eventually tell him that the lingerie he bought is beautiful but the t-shirt and jamma bottoms are so much more comfy...Then we really do not have time to fiddle with our hair, we just want to throw it up in a ponytail!  So picture this...He sees you across a dimly lit room in an elegant restaurant, you look amazing and you are confident! Four years later he looks at you from across the brightly lit living room and sees your fat ass laid up on the couch in your t-shirt and jammas, with your hair in a pony tail and you are bitching at him because he likes to look at sexy women in his magazine...LOL!  Now Ladies, Do not take offense to what I just described, because it was a story about ME!!

 Of course, we get pissed off that they look at those women, skinny bitches always piss me off (sorry ashley and a million others).  But quite honestly, who are we really pissed off at?  Ourselves, because we let ourselves go!  Granted, this scenario can definitely go both ways.  Men let themselves go as well, so my thinking is...if you do not look as buff and hot as you did when I met you> then cut me some slack! MOST men do, but they still appreciate a sexy woman as much as we appreciate a sexy man.  Accept the fact he does not look like Channing Tatum and maybe he can forgive that you do not look like Kim Kardashian.  BUT...you both could have the best time watching sexy films together and maybe even role playing and being comfortable with who you are, accepting one another and respecting each others fantasies and try them out.  Do not EVER think it's either disgusting, filthy or crazy...You have your fantasies, he has his...Explore them together and let him know you are open to discussion so he has no need to go behind your back to fill his needs.

 I do realize that Men/Women cheat regardless at times, even if they are sexually fulfilled at home...For those few, it obviously is not about sex...the underlying problems are much more then that apparently...Heck, I realized this year> If someone that looks like Marc Anthony cheats on J. Lo, then you are wasting your time trying to prevent things from happening to you like that...It is something that you cannot avoid no matter how much you watch them or distrust them...If someone wants to cheat, they will no matter how much surveillance you place on them....People tend to become addicted to the "living on the edge feeling", so take that away from them and give them the freedom they need and that will take the excitement away from him sneaking around and place it back on you...Because your man will have to wonder what you are doing then...I gave up trying to keep a man faithful!!!  If you are gonna cheat then there is not anything I can do about it, just know that can go both ways...If you go for a piece of cake on the side, I am grabbing the rest of the cake and taking your checkbook with me...:) 
Just keep in mind that men are visually stimulated...so if you let yourself go, it will only be natural for him to check out the younger, sexier versions.  Or he may think like I do...I appreciate all men and after a while I may get bored, so either keep things exciting and treat me good or I am gonna trade your ass in for something different!!!   Hell I get tired of driving the same model car year after year, sometimes I have to trade it in for a new one...I guess women with my kind of thinking do not need to get married huh?  You are so right!!!! 

Poetry I wrote about men & relationships in 1986

REFLECTIONS OF THE HEART written 3/14/1986

I see you as a great prince in the reflection of a puddle
My thoughts, though; have changed since the stir craziness in my heart is somewhat muddled
The moods and tones change for the worst part
All I can feel is the motion of drifting
And the love you feel lifting
It twas not a prince, but a mere reflection of my hearts desire
The thought of that prince fills my heart with fire

DEDICATED TO THE REAL ONE written 3/15/1986
Relationships of love are filled with confusion
The fantasies and good times end up being just an illusion
I do not know what to do about the way I feel about you
My love for him is no comparison to the love we have that is somewhat dim
Bare with me please
We will be together soon and our minds will be at ease


I wrote this my senior year in High School and it took me a few minutes to remember what I was going through at the time.  But it hit me...I fell for a guy while dating someone else, eventually broke up with him so I could be with the "Real One"...I ended things with him that summer so I could be free for my Senior summer before I left for Fort Lauderdale!  I broke his heart! :(  But still have love for him today!

A pathway to self-discovery!

I was speaking with an old friend today about relationships we have had and how many roads we have traveled to get to where we are today...Where are we today?  We found ourselves agreeing that we are both very much content with OURSELVES and our life as it is...Our lives have taken many different turns, but our stories still remain the same in many ways!  It really and truly takes many, many trials and tribulations and many, many mistakes along the way to mold us into the people we have become today.  It is funny how you just never know when and how things will suddenly hit you and you realize how you got here and why on earth you chose to do some of the crazy things you did along the way. 
I discovered that it is okay to be me, it is okay to speak my mind, it is okay not to be perfect, it is okay to fail! When you learn to love yourself as you are, then the world notices more of your good qualities.  Do you ever notice those types of people that find something negative in every single situation, or you say something nice to them and they respond with something negative because they cannot seem to take a compliment?  Yeah well...that was me!  I cannot attest to the fact that I am cured of it and that I am Miss Happy Go Lucky every single day of my life because I still have plenty of days that I tell people to Fuck off!  Hey, it is my right!  If I want to Bitch about something, believe me, I will....I think when we are born (women) that our little ID tag that the doctor puts on our wrists and ankles, says.."Female> God gave me the right to Bitch"...  I think the Males say>"Do not piss off, or you may get pissed on". .We all have our moments.  The best moments of all are when our inner self is awakened and we realize that it is entirely up to us as to how our life plays out.  We cannot live our lives in the shadow of someone else or with the expectations someone else has of us and so on....It is up to each of us to dictate our true destiny and for SOME of us, we have trouble finding our path.
 I greatly admire women/men that know right away what they want out of life and know without a doubt how they are going to take charge and go after it...That, by golly, takes a lot of guts!!  You have got to be extremely confident with yourself and move ahead with a crystal clear vision of what you want to achieve!  My vision has been clouded for many years, being in search of my true destiny.  I have allowed my childhood memories to affect me negatively, I have allowed insecure thoughts and feelings to creep in and shoot me down whenever I was feeling sure of myself or confident...I guess some of us have a feeling of "not being good enough"!  I have had that feeling my entire life...not quite sure where it stemmed from, but to be quite honest it really does not matter what started it all, because that will only be placing blame on someone else for how my life went...That is not fair to them or to myself...It would be a cop out, because at my age, I can take charge of my own life and change things at any time.  Maybe my talking about SEX constantly was a coping mechanism to make people laugh and get the attention I desired..who knows.  Along the way, strict Catholic upbringing and proper etiquette of growing up in the Hampton's, a girl such as myself should not act like that, or be some sex starved kitten...:)  Hey, I like that name...sex starved kitten...Purrrrrrrrr!  Anyway, I grew up in an area that everyone had a certain persona to uphold and I certainly did not want to appear as a whore...But you know what?  The more your behaviour is pointed out to you as being something wrong, the more you take notice of it and feel unworthy for having the thoughts that you do.  So maybe, in a sense, when you get older you are let off the hook a bit easier then you are as a teenager!  Alteast now, If I choose to have sex with multiple partners I am considered to be a wild and crazy funloving lady going through a mid-life crisis!!  :D  Once again, my point of the story seems to have lost itself amidst all of my rambling...The point being> It does not matter what got me here, its how I choose to live my life with the lessons I learned along the way. By learning to love myself, I mean truly being content with who I am.... then the choices I make do not have to be given a stamp of approval from anyone else.  As long as I am happy with the decisions I make and nobody gets hurt in the process, than it is all good!!!  I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR, I HAVE BEEN UNLEASHED!   LOOKOUT, COUGAR ON THE LOOSE!!!

Dating younger or older? Which is appropriate?

After writing yesterdays blog, I find myself still wondering if there are any set rules anymore to the dating scene and relationships.  I notice more and more that there really do not seem to be any rules.  People are dating beyond their own race, their own age group and meeting people in entirely different ways then we did years ago.  I do wonder if what I have chosen to do recently, is right or wrong.  But then, I realize that it is only my own convictions that I should be worried about, not what the stigma is that is placed on us by other peoples opinions. 

After another night with the "Boy Toy", I wondered what is it that keeps him coming back?  Something he said, is really what made me realize where I went wrong in relationships when I was younger...Heck, where I went wrong even months ago...It is funny how we never know, in life, when that light will come on and wake us up and help us to see the error of our ways.  He said, "I have girls all over me, but I do not want strings where they are constantly calling and texting me"...Honestly, when you are young that is what it is all about.  Girls his age> hope for babies, marriage, someone with a good job and somebody to take care of them.  When the guys at that age, are only thinking about getting drunk, getting high and getting laid and who cares about getting a job...The only job they worry about is a blow job! :D  It is the God's honest truth. Most guys want to have as much fun as possible before they commit, so when you are young, you are insane to think that this guy is "The One"!  How could you possibly know that when you are in your early twenties.

 This guy would much rather call someone like me, when it is convenient for him...get laid and know that it remains between us (well somewhat, you will never know his name...NEVER) :)  So don't bother asking me.  I find it so much easier these days to be physical with someone that I know I do not want full time...that way neither of us has any expectations going into it, and neither of us is thinking for anything to come of it...I honestly do not think I could do the same thing with someone that I know real well or someone that I could see myself with in the future...because once sex gets involved things get complicated and we suddenly begin to explore different feelings...I am speaking of someone that you really want to get to know and be with. When you have sex for the first time with someone like that, it is entirely different than some random lay...You know what I mean? Besides, who on earth at my age could possibly keep up with a kid half their age?  I need to get my fat ass to the gym because I am either gonna need knee replacement surgery soon or a pacemaker to keep up with this kid!   So the gym may be my best bet...anyone want to offer to kick me in the ass every morning and make me go?  :D

I do get off track don't I?  I tend to ramble, so bare with me and my crazy random thoughts!  Right now, I am totally content with my life as it is and I have no desire to pursue a man.  I do not care to call them, text them, ask them what they are doing tonight...NOTHING!!!  For some reason, this new attitude has worked in my favor, because I am asked out more now than I have ever been in my entire life.  I am also the heaviest I have ever been and always thought, men may not want me because I was fat.  Not true at all!  Goes to show that my stepson was right...He once told me, "Men do not see your weight if you are confident, because your confidence is recognized before anything else"...By Golly, I think the kid was right! I may not necessarily be overly confident with my size right now, but men can pick up on the "I don't give a shit attitude" and when they pick up on that, they realize that you really are not looking for anything from them...Once they feel pressured that a girl wants marriage, kids, financial support or if they come across needy and smothering....They run the other direction.  Then when they do not text you back and they start pulling away..."It is a sign Ladies"  they need their space and it means you have got to back off and not try to figure them out or dig away at why they are doing these things....It has taken me 40+ years to realize that Men find a needy woman unattractive, no matter how hard you try to make it work or look good for them...It will never make them change their mind.  I am telling you this from experience.  I have learned the hard way....Over and Over again!!!!  Be content with who you are and where you are in life and focus on that and let them slowly blend into your schedule if they choose to and if you decide you want them there.

I have chosen to date several men because I discovered that I am an extremely impatient person and I used to have self-doubt all of the time!  What did I do, What did I say? Etc....  Stay busy with your own life, do not worry about what they are doing and have fun doing your own thing.  If he does not call, go out with someone else, go out with your friends, be content being home alone...whatever it is you choose to do, DO NOT ever act like you even notice he did not call...Let me tell ya this girls!!! I cannot notice when they do not call anymore because I always have someone talking to me, so if one does not call, another one is...My thinking is>  the more you have to choose from, the more chances you have finding the right one, but if you settle with one at a time and make things work with the WRONG one, then you are only holding yourself back on finding your true destiny. 

So you see...this kid loves to call me because he knows he does not have to worry about me calling him, texting him and bothering him and the boys...because I could care less what he is doing and that is precisely why he has approached an older woman...Because I already have a home, kids, already been married...and he knows that I don't want a damn thing from him except for some good sex from time to time while I continue to date other people.  Hey, it is a WIN< WIN situation in my book!  Why the hell it took me so long to come to this realization, I will never know...I am just thankful I have while I am still young enough to enjoy myself!  :D

A Continuation of Previous Blog..."Trying Something New"

I want to continue from where I left off yesterday, because I really and truly believe this is an important subject!!  Let me start out, by emphasizing that I have NO counseling/therapy degree.  I am not licensed in any sense of the word, I am just expressing my thoughts and trying my best to convey what I have learned in my relationships, and what I am continuing to learn. 

After my Pure Romance party  ( http://pureromance.com/shop-online/ ) I was still thinking about everyone in regards to all of their own personal stories and relationships and how women most often sit and complain about what they have at home.  I was that person at one time!  I have had an unhappy marriage myself before, so hearing them just made me realize even more that I am quite content with my life the way it is.  Some women are naturals at marriage and others are not.  I have a feeling that most of us get caught up in the excitement of it all and how a man goes out of his way to pursue us and most often woo us also.  Flowers, candy, dinners out, the phone calls and texts every single day....just thoughtfulness all together.  That is what I always get caught up in.  I love being pursued and given attention, I think we all find some flattery in it all.  The problem is, after you win one another over...everyone seems to stop the wooing and the excitement begins to fizzle.  I should rephrase this without using the word, "everyone", because there are plenty of men and women that manage to hold onto that spark in their relationship and that is what makes things work for them.  Most often, they are best friends and enjoy spending time with one another, they are usually great communicators, they are BOTH considerate and they BOTH share in bills and household duties.  Most often, they are OUR kids, OUR bills etc...These are the folks that make it work and can live to tell a wonderful love story.  We all have to endure hardships here and there, but it is how we handle them that makes it or breaks it.

  I was one of those women that thought SEX could always solve every problem in a relationship.  I thought if I catered to them enough, gave them what they wanted, was totally honest, faithful, dependable, good cook, house cleaner...whatever...you name it, I did it!  I aimed to please!  I certainly did not do it all with my mouth shut, I complained a lot> and at times I too, Refrained from SEX....Yes, You heard me say it...I told him NO!  :-)  Not that I didn't want to have sex, I just didn't want to have sex with him.  Hence, that is where Pure Romance items come in handy(Literally)..It definitely takes two in the bedroom to keep the fire lit...so if you hate cigarette smoke and cannot stand the taste of his kisses, then set guidelines and do not marry a smoker.  If you hate it when a guy drinks so much that his dick is limp, then do not marry an alcoholic!  I mean, we all see the signs, the red flags waving at us when we first meet someone.  I ignored most of them!  I always see them, but I want to see the good in everyone and want them to prove me wrong, but in the end...I see everything I saw in the beginning and it is my own fault for SETTLING. I have had relationships since then, again looking for the criteria and what I would want in a future husband.  Then it hit me!  Do I really want a husband?  My friends would say, Why you do you always need a man?  I would have to correct them...I do not NEED a man, I WANT one....Big Difference!!!  But I want him on my terms...:)  I have been attracted to unavailable men my entire life and now I know its because I really do not want them around all of the time, I want them around when its convenient for me....That way, the excitement and the newness never wears out...We spend very little time together, so our time is our time and we do not worry about bills, kids, work or anything else!  We spend our entire time, eating and fucking, fucking and eating and repeat!!!  :D That's what I always end up missing once I am in a committed relationship.  We eventually stop setting aside time for just one another.

  Now that I consider myself a "Serial Dater", I choose it, because I am always meeting someone new, and the excitement is always there and we have both set aside time to spend alone with one another and we talk only about ourselves.  Its the best thing, because I forget for those short moments that I am a Mom, Nail Tech or..whatever....its just all about us and I love it!  My point here is,  when I sit and listen to everyone else complain of their current situation, I am reminded of the trials I went through and the lessons I have learned.  I will say this again...Life is too short. Do whatever makes you happy and not what society thinks you should do.  Society thinks I should be married before I have sex with someone...Why?  I have already been married, been there done that, I am no virgin, so the possibility of saving myself for someone is over. I remember a preacher asking me that question (I will definitely get into religion and sex on a blog soon)..He asked me if I was having sex before marriage?  Mind you, I was in my 30's when he asked me this.  This is no lie...Being the outspoken Yankee that I am..I said, "Let me ask you something"?  Did you finance your car"?  He said, Yes I did, what does that have to do with this?  "I said, did you check everything out on the car before you bought it"?  "Yes, I did", He said.  I then asked, "Did you test drive this car before you signed your name on the contract"?  He laughed and said, "I know where you are going with this, but it is totally different". You get my drift here?  I will elaborate more of my religious outlook on this topic another day, I do not want it to take me too far off track....

Anyway,  I was talking about what society thinks and how people view you....Society thinks it's okay for a man to date a woman half his age but for a woman to do that would be absurd.  I used to think that way!  I would get asked out by guys 10+ years younger and say..."Do you have a fat cougar on your fuck-it list or something"?  I thought, why on earth would this kid want someone like me?  Then it hit me, Why not? I was once very attracted to older men, it is possible that "boys" can have the same attractions.  I now get hit on by "kids" literally!  I am talking half my age and once again, I thought, "Are you crazy"?  But you know what...Age is nothing but a number and sex is just sex!!  When I am looking for much more in a companion and I am looking for love and a future with them, then sex will be so much more....but for now...I am dealing with it all in my own way, not placing so much emphasis on what ifs and future stuff....Strictly my own opinion, but if that is my outlook right now...Then I say, go for it!!  You only live once and I am "Trying Something New"...:D  Until tomorrow people, I will leave on that wild and crazy, but positive note....:-)

How open are you to try something "New"?

I had a Pure Romance Party last Friday Night!  For those of you that do not know what Pure Romance is, it is a home based party that specializes in enriching relationships and the ability to explore all avenues in the bedroom.  They have lotions, C-rings, Lubricants, Vibrators etc...A wide variety of products!  I jumped at the chance to host one of these parties, because I already own a good many of these products, but I am always open to trying something new.  That comment right there, is key! "Trying Something New"! http://pureromance.com/shop-online/
  I sit all day doing nails and then listen to my friends speak of their relationships and I speak of mine, quite honestly, I think I tell all of the stories...But my point is> I hear how happy or miserable everyone is with their sex life. More often, they are NOT content!  Friends have said, "You love sex more than anyone I know".  I do not believe this to be true! I have friends that are very open minded sexually but they do not discuss it nor are they willing to attend parties such as these.  I find that to be quite amusing.  Could it be that some of us are ashamed of how we interact in the bedroom?  Granted, some things are meant to be kept between you and your partner and/or partners...But as women, if we do not share our experiences and open up about sex than how can we ever make room for improvement.  Believe me, there is ALWAYS room for improvement. Do you not ever think that if you turn your nose up about pleasuring your man orally, with a comment like, "That's disgusting"...How do you think that makes him feel?  How would you feel if you were told you were disgusting?  I am telling you ladies, if these are wants and desires that your partner has then I think you should be willing to explore every avenue with him/her to keep things exciting and new and reassure that person that you still desire them. Granted, discuss all of these things prior to marriage, you need to know what each other expects so they do not look for it elsewhere. Again, My opinion!
 Sex can become dull and almost monotonous when you are with one person on a day to day basis.  I think it is a shame when we become so comfortable with one another that we lose sight of what attracted us to one another to begin with.  Men have VERY vivid and explicit imaginations and think about sex more often than women do.  For Example, Ohio State University conducted a study that revealed the following:

[COLUMBUS, Ohio – Men may think about sex more often than women do, but a new study suggests that men also think about other biological needs, such as eating and sleep, more frequently than women do, as well. And the research discredits the persistent stereotype that men think about sex every seven seconds, which would amount to more than 8,000 thoughts about sex in 16 waking hours. In the study, the median number of young men’s thought about sex stood at almost 19 times per day. Young women in the study reported a median of nearly 10 thoughts about sex per day.
As a group, the men also thought about food almost 18 times per day and sleep almost 11 times per day, compared to women’s median number of thoughts about eating and sleep, at nearly 15 times and about 8 1/2 times, respectively.] You may read more about this on their web page/link>
 http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sexthoughts.htm

Now we realize why, men want to eat, fuck and then go to sleep!  There ya have it ladies! Ohio State says so!
So studies do reveal that sex in fact enters a mans mind far more often than a woman's.  I say most women, I cannot be included in that...:D  I think I land in the same numbers as men do!  That goes for sex and eating with me!  I think about them both equally throughout the day, often at the same moment... LOL!  They have always said, Fastest way to a mans heart is through his stomach!  Nothing like the thought of a homemade lasagna or a big fat steak to lure your man home, only to top it off with a blow job for dessert!  Tell me, that wouldn't be a recipe for a happy man?  :D 
I am getting off track a bit, but where I was heading with this topic is the fact that we get to comfortable and sex eventually becomes boring.  I think in all lasting relationships you need to be inventing new things all of the time.  If you both are on the same page at all times, then it makes everyone happy.  If you both are content with being comfortable and not having sex often, then that is what works for you both. But if one persons appetite is far greater than the other than its up to you to keep them happy.  This is my opinion, mind you!  None of my failed relationships were due to lack of sex, I assure you...:)  This is why they ALL try to come back eventually...But why go backwards when there are so many other roads I can travel...;)  Be inventive, be open to new things and talk about your desires with your partner.  If you think you will be shunned or made to feel filthy because of your desires, then you are with the wrong person is all I have to tell you.  Life is far too short, to hide behind your true self and not be able to express yourself to your mate.

How liberated are we really?

Seriously!! How liberated are we when it comes to talking about sex? Define Liberated: freed from or opposed to traditional social and sexual attitudes or roles <a liberated woman> <a liberated marriage.

I think back to when I was a child and wonder when did I become so consumed with thoughts of sex.  It could have been the playboy magazines I found under my Dads bed, or things that I witnessed and somehow suppressed.  Who knows!  I remember being attracted to men at a very early age, my crushes were recognized early.  I loved men, boys!  Still do, maybe I am reliving my childhood. :)  I sure hope so, because I feel like a kid in a candy store...But I gotta tell ya, the tootsie roll ain't gonna cut it!  I want the "three musketeers" maybe at the same time! ;)  Anyway, I am losing my train of thought, I suddenly have a sweet tooth!
When I was a girl, My mother was always saying, I was boy crazy.  When I spoke foul mouthed or about sex, she said, "You never know who hears you and how they judge you!" Being the type of kid that really didn't give a shit what people thought of me, I spoke of sex anyway.  I found the boys loved it, the girls giggled etc!  But, and this is a big But!!  Speaking of butts, have you seen my ass lately?  Now, that's a big Butt!!  Anyway, moving on...I was taught that Ladies didn't speak that way, it took me years to figure out how to be a lady in public and still be a whore in the bedroom!  Who am I kidding, I still struggle with being a lady in public, but when I see something I like and want to talk shit to him, there isn't too much anyone can say to me to prevent it.  Its the bull in me!  A mans smile and personality is the red cape, taunting me, and if he had washboard abs and a few tattoos and a tan...I was all over it!  But he had to make me laugh and have an outgoing personality or my libido would crash and burn! Hell, those of you that know me well, know a convict turns me on...so I have never been very picky! :D  I love men in general! I don't judge people on their past mistakes, I judge them from the moment I meet them on..
I lost my virginity at the age of 14, on the long stretch of 7 mile beach in the Grand Cayman Islands!  Hey, who could ask for anything better or more romantic than that?  Yeah well, romance was not an issue at that time and I had no clue what I was doing and it hurt like hell,  but it started something that I grew to enjoy!  :)
In high school, boys didn't know how to handle me, they still don't to be honest!  I talked so much shit, they would turn red!  But I ate that shit up! Don't ever let me see your embarrassment or I will stalk you just to make you blush again.  :) I am not sure how guys viewed me in High School, whether I had a reputation or not.  I do not recall hearing anything hurtful about myself, but who knows?  My point about all of this is, the fact that I felt "liberated" at an early age and I felt a need to express my view points about sex to people and make them lighten up about it.  Its a naural thing, we all do it, we all think about it and it can be fabulous.  If everyone shared my viewpoint, then some women and men would not look at sex as something icky or a chore to perform. It's an exploration into the unknown of not only making yourself feel better but someone else and that alone has been the most rewarding part of it all.  I love doing things for other people, literally! :)  I may take it to the extreme at times, but it is what it is, and I am not ashamed to admit that I have been set free from any opposition towards sex and any negative attitude society has placed on it.  I love it and do not care who knows it!  PS: I love it, but not just with anyone, gotta have the chemistry people, it's all about the connection, the attraction>THE CHEMISTRY!  BECOME LIBERATED, SET YOUR SELF FREE AND ENJOY IT! If your partner doesn't enjoy it then tune back in and I just may help with ideas on how to get them interested.  :)

At the age of 43 I find myself, finally, realizing what men really and truly want!  It is something that I have noticed my entire life but only recently have I realized that is seems to be true.  ALL MEN WANT SEX AND LOTS OF IT!  Men think about sex more than women do, but most of the times they do not admit it or are afraid to express their sexual fantasies with their partner for fear of rejection.  Because, lets face it ladies...many of you are not willing to explore all of the areas that men want to go.  I have been a nail technician for 25 years and have heard every sex story imaginable and I have told even more myself.  My mind stays in the gutter, I have yet to figure out if this is a blessing or a curse, but I like my twisted outlook on sex and I have found that most people laugh when sex is brought up.  Maybe that's why I speak about it so much, I love it when people laugh. Lately, I have been involved with many men in all different types of relationships.  I have not been physical with them all, to be honest, hardly any of them, but my point is...If I would allow things to go that way, Most if not ALL of them would take it there, whether they are married or not!  I have many guys asking me for advice about sex and women and why their wife wont do this or that.  I do not think me talking sex to some guy over the Internet is going to help the situation when the problem is obviously in their relationship....and it is most likely because his wife is not hearing what he needs or desires, and/or the man is not applying himself to the needs of his wife...Some women don't understand that a lot of, not all, but a lot of men portray love as sex...so if you refrain from sex then he feels as though you don't love him or you aren't attracted to him.  Women, most of the time, base their emotions on how the man treats her.  If they cater to our emotional needs.  I had a male friend tell me one day, "For women, sex is an EMOTION", "For men, most times it is just a MOTION"...I thought about that for months and after another failed relationship on my end, I finally realized that I mistook A LOT of sexual encounters as meaning so much more, but in essence to him, it was JUST SEX!  Then it hit me, Maybe I can start thinking like most men do, and treat sex as just sex!  But for me, it would be much more difficult.  Because, in the eyes of society, the woman is a whore if she shares herself with multiple partners while the man is considered a stud!  Explain that one to me please?  My thought is, go ahead and judge and start sewing my scarlet letter now, because what everyone else thinks of me, is okay with me.  Because I found that I do not necessarily have to have sex with anyone in order to feel complete or special.  Once a man realizes that you really do not want anything from them, and all you desire is time spent together, having laughs, drinks and some good times...If they like you enough to pay your mortgage, then, hell yeah...you know how to work it!  But if they don't, its okay!  Just enjoy life and have fun getting to know people and experiencing new things.  I spent too much of my young life focusing on the house, the car, the marriage, taking care of my man, being the good girlfriend, the good wife etc...It got me NOWHERE!  I certainly hate to sound cynical, but men do not want a good girl anymore then a woman wants a good guy!  Most of us, seem to have an attraction for someone that has a little bad boy/bad girl in them.  Note: I do say MOST, because I am not trying to lump all men and women into one category, there are plenty of fish in the sea that are content with the good guy and find very meaningful lasting relationships and have healthy marriages.  BUT, for women like myself, that love sex...Love to talk about it, think about it, act it out etc....There are men out there that feel the same way and we tend to end up in relationships that do not appreciate our love for it, or abuse it...in a sense!  I do not care who you are, SEX is a good thing, and should not be treated as something bad!  My body is a temple, no reason why I cannot have more than one worshiper!  :) You will hear even more of my thoughts on this subject tomorrow and every other day after that if you care to follow along to my stories.  You will find that I tend to ramble and jump all over the place a bit, but I type what pops in my head.  Along the way, you will hear some wild stories of my life and experiences I have had, and I can find a smile and a sense of humor in every bit of it!