A pathway to self-discovery!

I was speaking with an old friend today about relationships we have had and how many roads we have traveled to get to where we are today...Where are we today?  We found ourselves agreeing that we are both very much content with OURSELVES and our life as it is...Our lives have taken many different turns, but our stories still remain the same in many ways!  It really and truly takes many, many trials and tribulations and many, many mistakes along the way to mold us into the people we have become today.  It is funny how you just never know when and how things will suddenly hit you and you realize how you got here and why on earth you chose to do some of the crazy things you did along the way. 
I discovered that it is okay to be me, it is okay to speak my mind, it is okay not to be perfect, it is okay to fail! When you learn to love yourself as you are, then the world notices more of your good qualities.  Do you ever notice those types of people that find something negative in every single situation, or you say something nice to them and they respond with something negative because they cannot seem to take a compliment?  Yeah well...that was me!  I cannot attest to the fact that I am cured of it and that I am Miss Happy Go Lucky every single day of my life because I still have plenty of days that I tell people to Fuck off!  Hey, it is my right!  If I want to Bitch about something, believe me, I will....I think when we are born (women) that our little ID tag that the doctor puts on our wrists and ankles, says.."Female> God gave me the right to Bitch"...  I think the Males say>"Do not piss off, or you may get pissed on". .We all have our moments.  The best moments of all are when our inner self is awakened and we realize that it is entirely up to us as to how our life plays out.  We cannot live our lives in the shadow of someone else or with the expectations someone else has of us and so on....It is up to each of us to dictate our true destiny and for SOME of us, we have trouble finding our path.
 I greatly admire women/men that know right away what they want out of life and know without a doubt how they are going to take charge and go after it...That, by golly, takes a lot of guts!!  You have got to be extremely confident with yourself and move ahead with a crystal clear vision of what you want to achieve!  My vision has been clouded for many years, being in search of my true destiny.  I have allowed my childhood memories to affect me negatively, I have allowed insecure thoughts and feelings to creep in and shoot me down whenever I was feeling sure of myself or confident...I guess some of us have a feeling of "not being good enough"!  I have had that feeling my entire life...not quite sure where it stemmed from, but to be quite honest it really does not matter what started it all, because that will only be placing blame on someone else for how my life went...That is not fair to them or to myself...It would be a cop out, because at my age, I can take charge of my own life and change things at any time.  Maybe my talking about SEX constantly was a coping mechanism to make people laugh and get the attention I desired..who knows.  Along the way, strict Catholic upbringing and proper etiquette of growing up in the Hampton's, a girl such as myself should not act like that, or be some sex starved kitten...:)  Hey, I like that name...sex starved kitten...Purrrrrrrrr!  Anyway, I grew up in an area that everyone had a certain persona to uphold and I certainly did not want to appear as a whore...But you know what?  The more your behaviour is pointed out to you as being something wrong, the more you take notice of it and feel unworthy for having the thoughts that you do.  So maybe, in a sense, when you get older you are let off the hook a bit easier then you are as a teenager!  Alteast now, If I choose to have sex with multiple partners I am considered to be a wild and crazy funloving lady going through a mid-life crisis!!  :D  Once again, my point of the story seems to have lost itself amidst all of my rambling...The point being> It does not matter what got me here, its how I choose to live my life with the lessons I learned along the way. By learning to love myself, I mean truly being content with who I am.... then the choices I make do not have to be given a stamp of approval from anyone else.  As long as I am happy with the decisions I make and nobody gets hurt in the process, than it is all good!!!  I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR, I HAVE BEEN UNLEASHED!   LOOKOUT, COUGAR ON THE LOOSE!!!